Enlightenment

"How would I know if I am enlightened?" one less mortal asked me from across the table! He was probably expecting a chuckle out of me, or at least an appreciation of his smart ass! He got neither. Instead, I just ordered another beer. The waitress seemed to understand my disposition. She obliged.

"What do you think enlightenment is?" he continued, insulting my indifference. I shrugged a 'I wish I knew' and continued to appreciate the dark amber color in my emptying glass. 'Alcohol' I thought, must be so crucial for enlightenment, as a topic of discussion, I mean.

Few more minutes passed. Now he had a certain look on his face, which humans -- and probably chimps too -- get when they appear to be thinking hard. He was probably regretting his broaching of the subject. I felt relieved. The patio area of the pub was getting busier. Few souls poured in, probably looking for happiness or at the very least someone to hit on.

"You seem to be at a loss of words for someone who claims to be enlightened" he said. He didn't show any signs of retreat. That was definitely un-called for. We come to this pub quite so often and drown ourselves in Newcastle and then sometimes share our deepest secrets with each other. I was afraid I might have shared my recent revelations with him. I hadn't imagined him taking me for my word. 'Poor Bastard!' I pitied him; Alcohol had definitely tampered with his judgment.

Now, I felt the need to speak. So I ordered another beer after I gulped down the one in front of me, as if I were in a milk commercial. I think, after banging my now empty glass down on the table, I even smiled looking at a fake camera, as if to show my strong calcium laden teeth.

"There are a lot of misconceptions about enlightenment!" I remarked. He thought I was joking. I could see how he could misconstrue my remark as funny. I don't blame him. There is something in my personality, which makes other human beings around me, always assume that I am saying something funny. That doesn't mean they find it funny, but they certainly assume that I am trying to say something funny.

"Plus, I thought I told you in confidence about my revelations the other day, remember?" I continued the scolding tone in my voice. He smirked; As if to assume that he had a trump card in his hand and could use it against me anytime he wished; but today didn't seem like it. "I'll keep that for some other time" he gestured only by slightly tilting his head.

"But you said you finally understood the difference between saguNa(with attributes) and nirguNa(devoid of all attributes)?" he almost shouted at me. Luckily the tables around us were busy guzzling beer and were least concerned about consciousness. 'Half knowledge is worse than no knowledge' some higher mortal once said and she was right. I am at the receiving end of this adage, all the time.

"No dumb-ass!" I continued matching his decibel level, "I said I finally understood why the human mind feels the need to differentiate between the two, when, in reality they are the same -- err, it is the same thing, I mean!". There was no use barking at him like this. He completely ignored my remark as if I were talking to the 'Guinness for breakfast' sign behind him.

"Have you heard the one about this monk?" he asked me. He always asks me that when his blood alcohol level is more than 0.1 percent -- by volume -- and then without waiting for my response, he continued with this old joke...
"A monk walks up to a hot dog vendor, hands him a $20 bill and asks 'Can you make me one with everything?', and the hot dog vendor goes, 'Yes! But change should come from within'"

And like always the joke followed by the obnoxious laughter of his. It was time to leave. So I took care of the check, grabbed his keys and offered him a ride. After all less mortals don't deserve to drive with that much of spirit in their blood.